What CIA Spies Can Teach Sales Teams About Building Genuine Connections
We all love a good spy story, don’t we? Hollywood is excellent at dishing up spicy stories about spies, but the world that entertains us so well is often quite far from the real world of espionage.
The Myth vs. the Reality of How Spies Operate
In many of the TV shows and movies we enjoy, spies are engaged in coercive activities to force their agents to cooperate with them. Blackmail and torture are standard fare in these tales as unscrupulous spies relentlessly pursue the intelligence that could save the day.
Spies Convince, Thugs Coerce
In the real world, the CIA doesn’t train its case officers to engage in coercive activities. They are trained to connect deeply with their agents and convince them that cooperation with the Agency is in their best interests. In fact, there is a saying popular at the CIA that “spies convince, thugs coerce.”
Amongst case officers, there is a lot of pride that goes into building the relationships with their agents. Talk to a former officer and many will likely tell you that what they miss most about their clandestine work are the relationships with their agents. These unlikely friendships are often forged under challenging circumstances and the connection between these two individuals can be intense.
If we step back and consider these relationships, we have a window into what makes CIA case officers so special.
How to Find Common Ground With Anyone
Think about when you meet someone new. Sometimes you have instant rapport – we like to say “we hit it off.” But other times it can be hard to connect with someone – they might be keeping you at arm’s length or you might find them off-putting. But if you need to influence, persuade, or just generally connect with that person you must work at it. Abraham Lincoln supposedly said, “I don’t like that person. I must get to know him better.” It is your task to uncover the humanity of that person to find a pathway to connectivity.
This is what spies are so good at, and it shows us what all the rest of us can learn from them to improve our ability to connect with just about anyone in our careers and in our everyday lives. Spies don’t get to choose who they are tasked with recruiting. They often must recruit some objectively bad people. These include criminals, terrorists, and diplomats from the most repressive regimes around the world.
Nearly everyone in the world has some kernel of good, some spark of humanity that if we look hard enough we can uncover. Spies know this, and while they don’t overlook the many negative qualities of their agents, they look for ways to forge a genuine connection on some level. For instance, maybe the criminal they are recruiting is a devoted father; or the terrorist they are trying to get to know practices acts of charitable good.
Spies aren’t in the business of absolving their agents of their sins. They are focused on connecting with that person in order to make their most difficult of sales pitches – convincing that potential agent to say yes to working for them.
Applying This to Sales and Business Relationships
In my book Sell Like a Spy and in my talks and trainings I help people to use some of the same skills that spies use to connect with challenging people. These include radical empathy, intellectual curiosity, active listening, and many other subtle communication skills.
Whether you are trying to close a deal with a tough client, get to know someone who is not quite reciprocating your friendly gestures, or trying to deepen a new and somewhat superficial relationship, the skills of spies can help you to form that deeper connection to reach your goal.
If you'd like Jeremy to bring these connection-building skills to your sales team, leadership offsite, or next event, contact him here to discuss keynotes and training.